“Oppression and harassment are a small price to pay to live in the land of the free.”

“The politicians [and] unelected bureaucrats who stole our liberty should be tarred, feathered [and] thrown out of town!”

“I’m not the thief; the government is. Every year you make hardworking Joes like my reporter friend here pay income taxes.”

“If there was a way that I could not eat, so I could work more, I would not eat.”

“I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!”

“There will be no Mars if we let them take our freedom away.”

“Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun.”

“That’s my lesson for taking a vacation: Vacations will kill you.”

“Family, religion, friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.”

“I would tell those people they will get to see their families a lot when we go bankrupt.”

“If you can take advantage of a situation in some way, it’s your duty as an American to do it.”

“Morons. Pathetic morons in my employ, stealing my precious money.”