“Send me to the hospital; I pretend I work there.”

“They get the shot, that night they have a fever of 103, they go to sleep, and three months later their brain is gone.”

“When you were in that coma, did you feel your brain getting damaged?”

“I offer to eat five more brain worms.”

“The coroner? I am so sick of that guy!”

“I’ll eat virtually anything. There’s two things I wouldn’t eat—well, three. I wouldn’t eat a human, I wouldn’t eat a monkey, and I wouldn’t eat a dog.”

“Wi-Fi radiation opens up your blood brain barrier.”

“The symptoms you describe point to bonus eruptus; it’s a terrible disorder where the skeleton tries to leap out of the mouth and escape the body.”

“I won't take sides on 9/11.”

“I started doing heroin, and I went to the top of my class.”

“Slow down, sir. You’re going to give yourself skin failure!”

“You cannot trust medical advice from medical professionals.”